Trying to find the words

I have been wanting to blog the last few days, but I've had a hard time finding the words.  If you are friends with me on facebook then you know that tomorrow is my first day at work.

I'm really excited about it and not really nervous (yet.)  I have not had any more emotional moments and that is a big signal to me that I'm ready.

Today is my last day as a stay-at-home-mom.  It might seem as if that would make me sad and it does (just a teeny bit), but I am just so ready for this next chapter.  As crazy as it sounds, I am dealing with a bit of anxiety over getting things done before tomorrow. Things like laundry, dishes and general cleaning.  To me, it's like getting ready to go on vacation.  I don't like coming home to a dirty house and I don't want to leave tomorrow with so many things undone. Both of my little ones are in rare form today. Hollin is into everything (normal, I know) and Harper has been really hyper and refuses to take a nap.  I'm blogging while I hear him trying to tip-toe around upstairs.

I am trying to enjoy this last full day with them while struggling to get things done too. I know I should just let the house stuff go, but it's all a control issue for me. I want to feel like I've got everything under control.  Who doesn't?

My mom has gone back home for a few days to visit with family and Jimmy is off the next two days. He will return to work Friday and my mom will be here for her first day with them on Friday. I know it's going to be ok, but there's that control thing again. I'm having to let go of my control and my routine with the babies and it's just hard.

The sun is shining and I promised Harper he could ride his tractor when he wakes up. I will play with them today, like I do everyday.  Today feels really normal and I don't know why. I feel like it shouldn't feel normal.  Maybe all of the changes will hit me in a few days.

Please say a prayer for me this week because if it isn't obvious by this rambling blog post, I am all over the place emotionally.

Scared, nervous, excited, ready, apprehensive.

I'm going to get it together.  I will.