Back and relieved

I'm so glad to be back and updating the ol' blog. I hope to start blogging a little more regularly now. Before I dive in though, I want to say thank you SOOO much for your kind words and encouragement in regard to my last post. I know I'm not alone, but it's easy to feel that way when I let my life as a-stay-at-home mom/police wife get to me. It can be very isolating.

I just got back this morning from a visit to my hometown church where my mom and I shared our testimony. If you remember in one of my first posts ever, I talked about the fact that I am adopted. I hope to share my full story soon. It's been something that I have wanted to do for a long time, but it will take me a little while to write it. Time is something I don't have in abundance right now :)

I mentioned in my blog title that I am relieved. I'm just relieved that I have the speaking behind me! Don't get me wrong, I love speaking, but I worried about it a lot this time. I've had my hands very full in the weeks leading up to it and didn't have ample time to rehearse what I wanted to say. I feel like I rambled a lot :(

The bright side is that my mom did a fantastic job (as always) and our message was conveyed. I also found out that I have two readers from back home. Hey Mrs. Janie and Mrs. Miriam!!

Today has been a catch-up day. I do believe that every last item of clothing in my house was dirty. I think I've done 6 loads of laundry, in between playing with the babies.

(Excuse the trash bag full of clothes hangers.)




I snuck Hollin into Harper's bed as he was waking up. He tolerated her for a little while then said, "Take her out."


I am going to very spoiled by the end of this week. Jimmy is in training and is on a Mon-Fri, 8am-5pm schedule. It may be a coincidence, but the babies and I had a GREAT day today. Hollin wasn't fussy, Harper listened (for the most part) and even came in and went #2 with NO fighting or screaming!! Jimmy came in and we did dinner at a normal time. It was fantastic.

I hope everyone had an equally fantastic weekend! Come back tomorrow for Hollin's 3 month post.

Fighting Bears

If you are like me, then you love Erin's Blue Eyed Bride blog. She posted a few months ago about fighting bears and I tucked that saying away in the back of my mind because it is such a simple concept.

Right now I am in a stage of life where I am fighting bears. I think most of us are probably fighting a few bears at once at any given time.

Life has been fun lately with our moving into a new house and the excitement of making it our own. On the flip side of that however, life has also been very stressful.

I have come to the realization that my sweet little girl most likely has colic. For the past several weeks, I have not been able to put her down for more than 10 minutes at the most without a subsequent baby meltdown. If she is napping, then I get a little bit more of a break, but it doesn't feel like long enough to get my nerves back to where they should be. She is my fussy bear.

Today seemed to be a turning point with the colic. She was a happy girl and Jimmy and I actually went out for a breakfast date while Harper was in Preschool. When we went to pick him up, the teacher informed us that he'd had a bad day. We were told that he was very aggressive and then when he was put in time out, he kicked the teacher. On top of that, he dropped his pants and peed on the playground. While I get that the latter of the two is funny (I guess), I'm obviously frustrated and just flat out embarrassed by Harper's behavior lately. I know that he's two (three in April) and that this is just a difficult age, but he doesn't respond to time-out, spankings, you name it, we've tried it. NOTHING snaps him out of it. He is a stubborn, STUBBORN little bear and Hollin's inconsolable crying started again not long after Jimmy left for work this evening.

Jimmy has been as much of a help as he can be, but Hollin wants no one but mommy right now. When he is here, he has a honey-do list a mile long to help get our house put together. By the time we are both done at the end of the day, we barely have the energy to speak to one another. When he is not here working, he's out on the streets, working 12 hour nights in the freezing cold on about 5 hours of sleep. I don't know how he does it. He is my busy bear.


Then there's me. I am tired and frazzled on a daily basis. My hair stays in a greasy ponytail unless I can find the energy to shower and dry my hair at night after the babies go to sleep. My clothes don't fit like they used to. I want to lose about 10 pounds. I want to eat better and exercise, but I find myself stuffing my face with M&Ms for comfort after a long day and Lord knows I can't get away for a 30 minute workout. I could wake up 30 minutes early, but Harper is the lightest sleeper in the world. Any slight noise coming from the elliptical in the garage or slipping out the front door for a run would wake him. A gym membership is not in the budget. I want a few minutes to put makeup on at the start of the day. I want to feel "pretty" and put-together again.

The mom guilt is in full force nowadays. I am so busy trying to keep Hollin happy, that I feel like Harper is left spending a little too much time playing on the ipad. On the rare occasion that I do get a few minutes to myself, I am ridden with guilt if I don't spend them with my kids. All I can hear are the sweet old ladies telling me to "Enjoy every minute because they go so fast."

I am living the life that I wanted as a stay-at-home mom, but there are times when I just want to feel like Ashlynn again. I sometimes miss getting dressed in matching and well-fitted clothes with hair and makeup done on MY time. I feel like I've turned into that mom that I said I'd never be. The one with the greasy ponytail and spit-up stained clothes.

I am a tired bear.

I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. It took a year for me to feel "thinnish" again after Harper was born. I know that Hollin's colic will eventually go away. I know that Jimmy will (PLEASE Lord) be switched to day shift sometime in February and I won't have to fight my two bears alone at night anymore.

Life is great, but tough right now. And "You can fight a bear for a little while."

19 week bumpdate!

I can't believe I'm actually getting around to the bumpdate this close to 19 weeks! I'm usually 3 or 4 days behind..



As I mentioned earlier this week, I went back home to perform at a wedding on Saturday. It was SO beautiful and I thought the background would be a nice departure from my standard white wall. It was held at the Leaning Tree in Bailey, NC. I am seriously considering going here for my maternity photos.

I also have to brag *just* a little about this dress. I bought it last year, before I was pregnant from a sale rack at Target. It was an online item that had been returned and was originally 40 bucks. I got it for 10 dollars!!! It is a very nice dress and I can't believe I could actually fit into it. Yay for Target once again!


(Mom and I)



(Dad and I)


(Miss Rebekah stayed with Harper for us since weddings require mom, dad and myself!)

How far along: 19 weeks.

Size of baby: 6 inches. About the size of an heirloom tomato. Weighs about 8 and 1/2 ounces.



Total Weight Gain/Loss: 3-4 pounds, I'm assuming.

Maternity Clothes: I borrowed a maternity dress from Harper's former nanny, Miss Rebekah for the rehearsal. It was SO comfortable!





Gender: A GIRL! "Official" ultrasound done on Tuesday. Hope it's still the same!


Movement: Movement every day and enough to be able to see my stomach move. Jimmy felt her kick for the first time a few nights ago and I meant to blog about it, but got busy.

Sleep: Sleep is going well although I really miss sleeping on my stomach. I am going to try not to invest in a pregnancy pillow since this is my last baby although it sounds really comfortable these days :)


What I miss: Being able to bend over quickly to retrieve Harper's toys. The belly is actually starting to get in my way!

Cravings: For a few days, I really wanted collards. I finally satisfied that craving when I went home to visit my folks!

Symptoms: Just pregnancy things that you really don't want to know about. Nothing too bad though :)

Best Moment this week: Jimmy feeling her kick!

Today

Forgive me, but I just couldn't think of a punchy title :)

Once again, I don't have much to blog about, but I'm doing it anyway. I just posted on facebook that I think I win the "Bad Mommy" award today. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. Harper has been his two year old self and I just let it get to me today. 'Nuff said.

On a different Harper note, I think that he is ready for no naps during the day. I know my hubby would disagree, but he is getting harder and harder to put down for a nap and then put down for the night. Oh yeah, and he learned how to get around the guard rail on his bed. He came tip-toeing down the hall this morning and poked his sweet little face in the room with an expression that read, "Is it ok that I'm here?"

I am traveling home this weekend to perform at a wedding. I have something to wear to the actual wedding, but realized that I don't really have anything to wear to the rehearsal. All of the summer dresses that I have are just a bit too casual for a sit-down rehearsal dinner. I just saw that Old Navy is having a sale, so maybe I'll go check them out tomorrow.

Right now I'm watching Spouse vs. House. I really think this show is funny. I'm waiting for the Little Couple to come on and I LOVE that show. I think they are just so sweet to eachother without being obnoxious about it :)



Now that I have bored you to tears, I will go. I actually need to practice a little before I watch my show.

Goodnight,

Back from my unexpected hiatus

It's been almost a week since I have been around and I have missed blogging! I went home this past Wednesday for a speaking engagement with my mom. I got back yesterday around noon and have been busy catching up on school and housework.

We spoke Friday night at Parkwood Baptist Church for a Christmas dinner. The men "served" the women and it was so cute. They had on Christmas ties and red cumberbunds! Each table was sponsored by different people from the church and was decorated individually. All of the centerpieces were absolutely stunning. I wish I'd had the time to take pictures of each one.

Here are just a few photos from Friday night. We had a really great time!





If you didn't know, my mom and I travel as we can to speak on our "Adoption is the Option" platform. She speaks as an adopted mother and I speak as an adopted child who narrowly missed being aborted. We speak individually and play together at the end. God truly brought our family together in a miraculous way and we use this powerful message to educate others about adoption and the devastating facts surrounding abortion.








We were blessed to be given the opportunity to share our message. Harper and Maya traveled with me and he fell under the weather while we were there. He seemed to be better yesterday, but today he has been unusually difficult. We aren't sure if he still doesn't feel well or if he is exhausted. Hopefully he'll be better tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, we will be kicking off a very full week. I had to get an extension on my English paper since I wasn't able to work on it back home and with the semester winding down, I am SWIMMING in school work. I am going to focus on working hard and getting through this week and then before I know it, it will be over and I will have my AA degree! I just hope that I will be accepted at NC State and can start in January. I may be forced to take a semester off simply due to timing, but hopefully I won't have to do that. We'll see.

Bring on Thanksgiving!!

Now here's something you don't see everyday

I have to play the violin at a wedding on the beach tomorrow at 6:30am. I haven't played in quite awhile, so when I cracked open my case to do a little practicing, my violin felt and sounded SO dry. My violin teacher from years ago taught me a little trick to help with that. Basically, I let it hang out in the bathroom while my husband or I take showers to "moisturize" the wood. It's really strange to walk in and see an instrument on your bathroom counter, but hey, it's what I do.

I have done countless weddings in my day. My mom and I usually work as a team and she plays piano, but this is a solo event for me this weekend. I'm not nervous about my performance, but I AM nervous about the wind, sand, and countless other things that could go wrong. As a music performer at a wedding, I basically run the show. Everyone waits for me to cue them in with certain songs and I have to be on my game. Most of the time, folks are too busy playing around on rehearsal night and someone ALWAYS misses their cue on wedding day, which throws the entire schedule off. I am so nervous about that happening tomorrow. I also hope that I can see the wedding party as they need to enter, because if we can't see eachother, I will have no way of knowing when to start/stop songs.

I was also just informed that the wedding rehearsal starts at 8pm rather than 5:30pm because of another rehearsal that the pastor had to attend. THANK GOODNESS my parents are coming this weekend to help us all out. I don't know what I would do without them. I'm pretty sure I would have to back out.

Moving on to other news.....

Jimmy and I sold our Tahoe yesterday. Since we have decided that I am going to have to stay home as long as this job market is so horrendous, we needed to shed something in preparation to move into a bigger house when our lease is up. I was sad to see it go. We brought Harper home in that car, but at the same time, it felt good to get rid of it. We are looking at getting something C.H.E.A.P for Jimmy to get to and from work in and then we will drive my Jetta as our family car. It's a tight squeeze, but we are stuck with it for a little while. We had our first grocery trip in the Jetta yesterday and we are going to have to get used to the lack of space:

(it is all sitting on the extra car seat we had in the Tahoe.)

Not only was it great to get rid of it, it was one step closer to our overall "plan" for the future, but I won't bore you with those details.

Wish me luck tonight and tomorrow!!