Accepting it.

**I have no idea why certain words are linking up to other windows. I'm looking into it. Thanks!**



A few days ago, I pulled out the big rubbermaid container that stores all of my opposite -season clothes. I was kind of excited to be pulling out all of my spring and summer clothes so early. While rummaging through them I realized that most of what I have are dresses. Dresses are great because they are roomy, cool, cute and most importantly able to grow with the expanding belly I had last year.

I just wasn't in a dress mood today. We were taking Harper to the park and I knew there would be a lot of bending and pushing swings, etc, so I decided to look at what shorts I had.

I pulled on one pair that were a little tight the summer before last, but I could still wear them ok.

I couldn't button them.

The only other pair that fit were in the dirty laundry.

Jeans were my next option, but the one pair that really fits me best right now was in the dirty laundry. Notice a pattern here? I looked down and saw at least 4 other pairs in the drawer.

There are some really cute American Eagle jeans laying at the very bottom of my "jean drawer." They've been there since I gave birth to Harper in 2009. One of them is exactly like the pair that I wore on my first date with Jimmy. On at least 5 different occasions since Harper was born, I've tried to put them on.

*Tried.*

It ain't happening.

I keep holding out hope that those date jeans will fit again one day.

I think most of us moms can agree that things are just different after having a baby. I'm not back to my pre-pregnancy weight yet, but there was a time, in between my two babies, that I was. Even then, the darn jeans just didn't fit.

My hips are wider. My body is different, even at pre-pregnancy weight.

I can get back down to pre-pregnancy weight, but there's nothing that will make my hips their pre-childbirth size.

So, with that, I've decided to let the date jeans go. Those and many other pre-baby clothes that I'm still hanging onto. (What's up with the shirts getting shorter?)

I'm putting everything in a box tonight and hauling it off to Plato's Closet, or Clothes Mentor tomorrow. With whatever (teeny) amount they give me for them, I'll go ahead and start buying things that actually fit.

I feel a little silly that part of me is sad about this. I'm letting go of tangible things that remind me of the size I used to be. I tend to hang onto things for sentimental reasons, but what good are those clothes to me now?

The truth is, I have two beautiful (and some say identical-looking) babies to show for it. I've got stretch marks and a sometimes sore, but always numb c-section scar hiding under my clothes.

I may never be the size I once was, but that's ok. I think that adopting a new body when you adopt the life of a mom is part of the job description.

Luckily for all of us, blousy tops are usually always "in." :)

Goodnight and

GO PACK!!

Spring into change

The gorgeous weather lately has had me all kinds of motivated. I've been motivated to do everything.

Cook.

Clean.

Try new activities with the kids.

Shop. (quite limited here :)

Get outside.

Make the house a home.

Party plan.

Craft.

It's fun to have motivation to do all of these things, but as we moms know, there just aren't enough hours in the day. So what do we do? We focus one what we can, when we can. One thing suffers so that we can get another thing done and so on and so on.

I convinced hubby to try something I've been wanting to do forever. Here's a hint. It's SO hard to figure out what we've done:)

(Blurry night photo. Best I've got.)


I'm so thrilled with the result and I will share pics as soon as I can take a daylight photo.

It seems like it takes three times as long to get a project done as it used to. I am busy trying to entertain/keep babies happy while Jimmy does most of the work. He can only work so much when he is always sleep deprived, so we do what we can. Our house is a complete wreck and I would be mortified if anyone came over, but we have a pretty hallway to show for it!

The babies have been pretty good the last few days. Hollin decided to have her worst meltdown ever today and I think it may be because she didn't feel well.

(You'd think I would've learned to remove my knee from baby photos.)

She cried for at least 30 minutes, if not more. I did let her cry it out. I picked her up after I couldn't take it anymore and she fell asleep. Oh and Harper was saying, "Mama outside, mama, mama, MAMA!!!" the whole time she was screaming. It was fun.


So, that is life right now. I feel like I am in a constant state of "overwhelmed" since Hollin was born, but things are constantly changing and babies keep growing. I try to adapt as best I can. Some days I think I rock at this whole mom-of-two thing and then some days, not so much. I'm trying to soak in all of these little moments. Even the screaming infant, the demanding preschooler, the dog that needs to be let out at the most inconvenient times and the teeny changes that we make to our home when we can find the time. Maybe even the balls of dog hair I can see under my bed and in corners of the house. Mixed with dried chunks of play-doh.

There are so many changes happening here and it's all (mostly) fun. My mom is moving here permanently next week. More on that here. I'm planning for Harper's 3rd birthday party, Easter, preparing for construction to begin and trying to make my house presentable for all of the above. I may even try to throw in a pool party some time this year. I wish I could invite every single one of you!

I'm not going to flatter myself with thinking that I have a ton of readers, but what are you changing/looking forward to?

Happy Friday,

Fun messes

I think I may have found something that Harper likes better than the ipad.

Play-doh!

He received 4 containers for Christmas and I have been very apprehensive about letting him play with it. Not because of the mess, but because I was afraid he might try to eat it or feed it to the dog.

He has had a GREAT time with it! Today, he wanted popcorn and crackers after he got home from Preschool, so I let him snack and play. Mommy accidentally knocked over the popcorn, but he was so entertained by it, I had to snap a pic.


We have a little bit of dog hair, some play-doh, crackers and popcorn all over the floor. But, it's all in the name of a good time.

I have discovered that Hollin really enjoys watching TV. I know there are many moms out there who feel strongly about not letting the TV babysit for their babies, but honestly, if it buys me 15 minutes to clean up the above mess, I will do it.

She really likes Dora the Explorer!



That's all that's poppin' in the Cushing home these days. I do have a few projects that I'm working on, so stay tuned!



:)

Fighting Bears

If you are like me, then you love Erin's Blue Eyed Bride blog. She posted a few months ago about fighting bears and I tucked that saying away in the back of my mind because it is such a simple concept.

Right now I am in a stage of life where I am fighting bears. I think most of us are probably fighting a few bears at once at any given time.

Life has been fun lately with our moving into a new house and the excitement of making it our own. On the flip side of that however, life has also been very stressful.

I have come to the realization that my sweet little girl most likely has colic. For the past several weeks, I have not been able to put her down for more than 10 minutes at the most without a subsequent baby meltdown. If she is napping, then I get a little bit more of a break, but it doesn't feel like long enough to get my nerves back to where they should be. She is my fussy bear.

Today seemed to be a turning point with the colic. She was a happy girl and Jimmy and I actually went out for a breakfast date while Harper was in Preschool. When we went to pick him up, the teacher informed us that he'd had a bad day. We were told that he was very aggressive and then when he was put in time out, he kicked the teacher. On top of that, he dropped his pants and peed on the playground. While I get that the latter of the two is funny (I guess), I'm obviously frustrated and just flat out embarrassed by Harper's behavior lately. I know that he's two (three in April) and that this is just a difficult age, but he doesn't respond to time-out, spankings, you name it, we've tried it. NOTHING snaps him out of it. He is a stubborn, STUBBORN little bear and Hollin's inconsolable crying started again not long after Jimmy left for work this evening.

Jimmy has been as much of a help as he can be, but Hollin wants no one but mommy right now. When he is here, he has a honey-do list a mile long to help get our house put together. By the time we are both done at the end of the day, we barely have the energy to speak to one another. When he is not here working, he's out on the streets, working 12 hour nights in the freezing cold on about 5 hours of sleep. I don't know how he does it. He is my busy bear.


Then there's me. I am tired and frazzled on a daily basis. My hair stays in a greasy ponytail unless I can find the energy to shower and dry my hair at night after the babies go to sleep. My clothes don't fit like they used to. I want to lose about 10 pounds. I want to eat better and exercise, but I find myself stuffing my face with M&Ms for comfort after a long day and Lord knows I can't get away for a 30 minute workout. I could wake up 30 minutes early, but Harper is the lightest sleeper in the world. Any slight noise coming from the elliptical in the garage or slipping out the front door for a run would wake him. A gym membership is not in the budget. I want a few minutes to put makeup on at the start of the day. I want to feel "pretty" and put-together again.

The mom guilt is in full force nowadays. I am so busy trying to keep Hollin happy, that I feel like Harper is left spending a little too much time playing on the ipad. On the rare occasion that I do get a few minutes to myself, I am ridden with guilt if I don't spend them with my kids. All I can hear are the sweet old ladies telling me to "Enjoy every minute because they go so fast."

I am living the life that I wanted as a stay-at-home mom, but there are times when I just want to feel like Ashlynn again. I sometimes miss getting dressed in matching and well-fitted clothes with hair and makeup done on MY time. I feel like I've turned into that mom that I said I'd never be. The one with the greasy ponytail and spit-up stained clothes.

I am a tired bear.

I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. It took a year for me to feel "thinnish" again after Harper was born. I know that Hollin's colic will eventually go away. I know that Jimmy will (PLEASE Lord) be switched to day shift sometime in February and I won't have to fight my two bears alone at night anymore.

Life is great, but tough right now. And "You can fight a bear for a little while."

A catch-up in pictures

It feels so great to have internet back! Here is a run-down of what has been going on..

Jimmy and Hollin taking a quick morning nap while we waited by the phone to get the news that we were ready to close. Yes, they are sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Don't worry, I scooped her up the minute I was done taking a picture :)


We closed on our house at about 4pm in the afternoon, so we moved many of our things that night. Here is Harper and Hollin hanging out in the kitchen. Poor guy was so exhausted.

(For the record, the previous owners seemed to really have great taste in paint colors, etc. I have no idea why they thought the fabric on these benches looked good.)

Harper ate a few meals on the kitchen counters because we misplaced the hardware for our table.


He took his first bath in the new house's tub.


Jimmy and Maya ripped up the old carpet to get ready for new carpet!


And I left a message for whoever uncovers the carpet in the years to come..


Hollin caught a few rays


The carpet guy showed up, alone, and rolled our carpet out on in our front yard. We still can't believe he installed the carpet all by himself!




We received our pool cover and Maya tested it for us. We watched her through the window and died laughing.


Harper got a big boy haircut. *Tear*


Hollin hung out with me some more in our favorite sunny spot. She is growing so fast.




Jimmy cooked our first official meal in the house (tacos!) and gave me a "gun show." Such a ham.


We had tummy time..


And my BIG boy finally went #2 in the toilet yesterday! It was not an easy thing. We had sent him to Preschool in big boy underwear because he has been so great about going #1 in the toilet. He was still wearing his underwear yesterday when I noticed that he was showing all the signs of "fighting off" going #2. (Yes, he fights it off and I don't know why.) I had to make him sit on the toilet and he screamed his head off the entire time. Finally, he couldn't hold it anymore. When he was done, I of course praised him and gave him way too many M&M's.

I paid the price for that all night while he ran around in circles and got out of bed what seemed like a hundred times :)

Today, we had a repeat of the same thing. Fighting it off, forcing him to sit on the toilet, screaming the whole time until he finally goes, praise and excitement for finally going in the toilet and about 5 M&M's. I have mixed feeling about how I am having to potty train him. If I don't physically make him sit on the toilet, he will fight it and fight it and finally ask for a diaper. I'm not sure how to handle it honestly.

In the middle of all of the craziness this past week, Hollin developed thrush and became constipated. We thought Harper had a bladder infection, so we took him to the Dr. to find out that he is fine. We have all had a cold this week as well.

So, we have been very busy! And very exhausted. I'd like to think that things are going to settle down, but I don't see that happening any time soon. We have a long road ahead of us in getting things organized in a home that has a lot more square footage, but a LOT less storage inside. Not to mention, my parents will begin construction on their residence soon.

With all of that said though, we are all VERY happy with our new home and are enjoying the process of settling in.

I think I'm more excited to be back in blog-land!!

Happy Saturday,

Midweek Cofessions

Hi everyone!



I never thought my hubby and I would become the kind of couple that would eat the same meal once a week.. but we have. We have recently implemented "Taco Night." This is his baby, because he does all the prep work and cooking. We get all giddy about it. We are officially old.

I can't believe my sweet girl is 8 weeks old. I don't like saying "two months." :) If I remember correctly, I stopped with the weekly-age-thing when Harper turned 13 weeks.

I got lowlights yesterday but I'm too lazy to take a picture. I really like them though. I'm glad hubby likes them even though he likes my hair to be nearly Playboy bunny blonde. I'll go back to that for the Spring and Summer :)


My little man started Preschool again today after a 2 week Christmas break. I think we were all happy to get back into that routine again.

This isn't a confession, just something really sweet that happened last night. As I was tucking Harper in, I asked him to repeat what I was saying...

Me: "Goodnight mommy"
Harper: "Goodnight mommy"
Me: "Goodnight daddy"
Harper: "Goodnight daddy"
Me: "Goodnight sissy"
Harper: "Goodnight sissy"
Me: "Goodnight Jesus"
Harper: "Goodnight Jee-bus."

He is so precious.


Happy Wednesday!

Midweek Confessions

If you are visiting from E, Myself and I, welcome! My blog is nothing fancy, but I enjoy documenting everything from daily routines to toddler tantrums, home decorating and taking very non-professional photos of my 2 and 1/2 year old little boy and 7 week old baby girl. Thanks for stopping by!


I confess that I am really, REALLY excited to tell you all about my little "secret." I hope to let the cat out of the bag by tonight or Thursday. I don't want to build it up like it's some earth-shattering announcement, but it's a pretty big deal for us :)

I confess that I don't wear my wedding rings at home, so therefore, I rarely wear them at all! I don't really leave the house very much these days.


I confess that I have recently discovered that my little girl is very calmed by skin-to-skin contact. I feel guilty that I haven't realized this before.

(Haha, this picture is so unflattering, yet so funny!)

I am having a really hard time keeping up with blogging. I keep at it because I know I will look back and be happy that I did.

I confess that for the last 2 days, the state of my house has completely overwhelmed me. I can't seem to get "ahead" anymore. If I get caught up on laundry, the rest of the house looks like a bomb went off in it or vice versa. It's driving me nuts! I have tried getting into a weekly cleaning schedule, but have found that it's really hard to stick with it. There are some days where I just can't get to what is on the list for the day.

The Bare Minerals makeup that I bought was my "summer" shade and now I have to use my tan-in-a-can so that my neck and face will match. I'm too cheap to go buy a lighter color haha!

I confess that I love watching Man vs. Food, but it always makes me hungry. By hungry, I mean starving. This is not good for me because I'm starving all the time anyway due to breastfeeding. Seriously people, I'm eating us out of house and home. I ate leftover spaghetti at 10am today. **Hanging head in shame**


That's all I have running around in my mom brain which has been in full force lately.

Have a great Wednesday!

Midweek Confessions

I have had several mini panic attacks this week over my milk supply. I always think I don't have enough although my sweet girl is doing just fine :)

Harper had his very first Preschool presentation today and I am confessing that I thought he would act up. He did very well though and I am proud of him!
Harper is the one sitting on the floor, all the way to the right.


I confess that so far, Hollin only has one gift from Jimmy and I. What are you supposed to buy a 6 week old?

I have several packages coming to my house this week and I am SO excited. There are boots on the way for me (thanks Jimmy :), a dress for Hollin, double stroller for the kiddos and our Christmas cards. I think I'm most excited about the cards!

I am having an "on" day. Do you have those too? This morning, I got all of us up, Hollin fed, Harper dressed and fed, hair combed and to Preschool on time. I was back for his presentation on time and when he fell asleep in the car on the way home, I was able to transition him from the Jeep to the house without waking him up! I made a crockpot meal and honey balsamic carrots as a side for dinner. I haven't been able to do much to keep the house clean today though, haha. No time for that!

I confess that I have more "off" days than "on" ones.

I confess that I'm keeping a secret..... (and no, I'm not pregnant.) When I get the greenlight to talk about it, I promise I will :) I will leave you with a hint!

I don't hate many things, but this is one of them..

With Christmas and New Year's fast approaching, I told myself that I would take it easy on myself and not worry too much about what I was eating in the coming weeks. Since I began breastfeeding, I am hungrier than an adolescent boy. It's really sad. We go to the grocery store for basic things and two days later, our poor pantry is bare. There is no one to blame but me.

The worst part is that ALL I want is junk.


We have not had one big grocery trip (to buy healthier foods) that I can recall since she was born because of all the fantastic meals brought to us by our Sunday School class. We had so many leftovers, we would just pop those in the microwave after a long, tiring day.

I say all of that to say this.

I know I need to start working out after the Holidays, but I would seriously rather get a shot.

Up until a month ago, all the workout gear that I had was the sidewalk in our neighborhood and a few workout DVD's. In the last few weeks we inherited an AB Roller and a Bowflex from my mom and dad. We also brought home an elliptical from one of Jimmy's co-workers who said she wanted to get rid of it.

So now that I have all of this gear, I have no excuse really.

I admire all of those cute moms who drop off their kiddos at Preschool in their workout gear.

(Katherine Heigl does not have kids at our Preschool haha.)

When I see those moms, I think, "How do you have the willpower/find the time to work out?" I absolutely cannot see myself getting up before dawn to work out, but that must be what they do. I would rather work out in the evenings, but my hubby works then.

I have my first post-partum visit on Thursday morning and I'm assuming we'll talk about resuming normal activities then. I definitely don't want to push it. I wore some yoga pants today that fold over at the top and my incision is killing me tonight. I know I'm not ready for full on crunches!

There is too much pressure to start anything on January 1st, but I hope to start doing little things not long after.

Wish me luck :)

Our Thanksgiving 2011

This year, I am thankful for so many things. I'm thankful for my faith, great parents and in-laws, a sweet, hard-working husband with a steady job, a precious two and a half year old who loves mommy and daddy unconditionally and seems to really like his new baby sister!


We are especially thankful for our little princess who has brought so much joy into our lives. I wasn't sure how I could love anyone as much as I love my Harper, but it is possible :)

Here she is in her tutu dress on Thanksgiving day.


I wanted so badly to get a family photo of the four of us, but it was a very hectic morning of cooking and keeping up with our two little ones over at my mom and dad's house. We had their help of course, but it still wasn't easy. Hollin had been up more than she has been since she was born and I didn't get much sleep. I slept late on Thanksgiving morning which threw everything off!

I made macaroni and cheese bites and a REALLY great dessert. I will have to make that again. It's very easy.

One box of brownies crumbled at the bottom of your dish
Three boxes of chocolate pudding layered on top
One tub of Cool Whip on top of the pudding
Two Heath bars crumbled on top of the Cool Whip.

My Nanny and PaPa came over for a few minutes to meet baby girl and it was so great to see them. I wish I could have visited a little more with them before they had to leave.


We headed over to my cousin's house and here are a few pics from our lunch :)












I was so excited for all of my family to meet sweet Hollin!

We stayed for lunch and then hit the road to come back and eat dinner at Jimmy's dad's house. We made great time and the dinner was absolutely delicious. I was so tired that I only got one photo of Hollin and her great-grandma Hyde.


The day after Thanksgiving, Jimmy and I decided not to leave the house. Black Friday is just not our cup of tea, especially with a three week old :) We pulled down the Christmas decorations and I put up a few things. We were so tired from Thanksgiving that we stayed in our PJ's all day!


I tried to listen to my favorite Christmas CD while Harper insisted that we watch "Cars" yet again :) I have listened to this CD every year while decorating for Christmas for as long as I can remember. My mom gave it to me a few years ago and I listen to it nearly every day. It just puts me in the Christmas spirit!


Harper's self-made T-shirt Toga.


Today we ventured out to Lowe's and got a really great deal on a pre-lit tree. We put that up tonight and a few other things. Jimmy also finished our outside decorations.


We ended the night on a really high note when after about 763 tries in the last year and a half, Harper finally ate spaghetti!!!!!


Goodnight,