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Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pregnancy. Show all posts

Friday, March 23, 2012

Accepting it.

**I have no idea why certain words are linking up to other windows. I'm looking into it. Thanks!**



A few days ago, I pulled out the big rubbermaid container that stores all of my opposite -season clothes. I was kind of excited to be pulling out all of my spring and summer clothes so early. While rummaging through them I realized that most of what I have are dresses. Dresses are great because they are roomy, cool, cute and most importantly able to grow with the expanding belly I had last year.

I just wasn't in a dress mood today. We were taking Harper to the park and I knew there would be a lot of bending and pushing swings, etc, so I decided to look at what shorts I had.

I pulled on one pair that were a little tight the summer before last, but I could still wear them ok.

I couldn't button them.

The only other pair that fit were in the dirty laundry.

Jeans were my next option, but the one pair that really fits me best right now was in the dirty laundry. Notice a pattern here? I looked down and saw at least 4 other pairs in the drawer.

There are some really cute American Eagle jeans laying at the very bottom of my "jean drawer." They've been there since I gave birth to Harper in 2009. One of them is exactly like the pair that I wore on my first date with Jimmy. On at least 5 different occasions since Harper was born, I've tried to put them on.

*Tried.*

It ain't happening.

I keep holding out hope that those date jeans will fit again one day.

I think most of us moms can agree that things are just different after having a baby. I'm not back to my pre-pregnancy weight yet, but there was a time, in between my two babies, that I was. Even then, the darn jeans just didn't fit.

My hips are wider. My body is different, even at pre-pregnancy weight.

I can get back down to pre-pregnancy weight, but there's nothing that will make my hips their pre-childbirth size.

So, with that, I've decided to let the date jeans go. Those and many other pre-baby clothes that I'm still hanging onto. (What's up with the shirts getting shorter?)

I'm putting everything in a box tonight and hauling it off to Plato's Closet, or Clothes Mentor tomorrow. With whatever (teeny) amount they give me for them, I'll go ahead and start buying things that actually fit.

I feel a little silly that part of me is sad about this. I'm letting go of tangible things that remind me of the size I used to be. I tend to hang onto things for sentimental reasons, but what good are those clothes to me now?

The truth is, I have two beautiful (and some say identical-looking) babies to show for it. I've got stretch marks and a sometimes sore, but always numb c-section scar hiding under my clothes.

I may never be the size I once was, but that's ok. I think that adopting a new body when you adopt the life of a mom is part of the job description.

Luckily for all of us, blousy tops are usually always "in." :)

Goodnight and

GO PACK!!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

One year ago

Our lives changed forever when we realized we were expecting another baby! (February 25th, 2011 to be exact.)

Words cannot express how happy we are as a family of four and how much joy our sweet Hollin has brought into our lives.

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I'm so thankful for that little plastic stick :)

Saturday, December 31, 2011

2011 comes to a close

This year has been full of wonderful things for our family. Hollin is the first thing that comes to mind when I look back on 2011. I was thankful that I was able to blog about my 2nd pregnancy. When I was pregnant with my first, I didn't even know what a blog was!


Words can't describe the joy Hollin has brought into our lives and we are so thankful that God gave us the privelege to be her parents. Today she is two months old! Pics to follow tomorrow.
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We've been blessed to watch Harper grow into such a little man, start Preschool and then become a big brother.
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We are now about to move into our forever home (as far as I am concerned:) and we are so, SO very thankful for our blessings this year.
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Jimmy, Harper, Hollin and I wish all of you a very Happy New Year!
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Bring on 2012!

Monday, December 5, 2011

I don't hate many things, but this is one of them..

With Christmas and New Year's fast approaching, I told myself that I would take it easy on myself and not worry too much about what I was eating in the coming weeks. Since I began breastfeeding, I am hungrier than an adolescent boy. It's really sad. We go to the grocery store for basic things and two days later, our poor pantry is bare. There is no one to blame but me.

The worst part is that ALL I want is junk.


We have not had one big grocery trip (to buy healthier foods) that I can recall since she was born because of all the fantastic meals brought to us by our Sunday School class. We had so many leftovers, we would just pop those in the microwave after a long, tiring day.

I say all of that to say this.

I know I need to start working out after the Holidays, but I would seriously rather get a shot.

Up until a month ago, all the workout gear that I had was the sidewalk in our neighborhood and a few workout DVD's. In the last few weeks we inherited an AB Roller and a Bowflex from my mom and dad. We also brought home an elliptical from one of Jimmy's co-workers who said she wanted to get rid of it.

So now that I have all of this gear, I have no excuse really.

I admire all of those cute moms who drop off their kiddos at Preschool in their workout gear.

(Katherine Heigl does not have kids at our Preschool haha.)

When I see those moms, I think, "How do you have the willpower/find the time to work out?" I absolutely cannot see myself getting up before dawn to work out, but that must be what they do. I would rather work out in the evenings, but my hubby works then.

I have my first post-partum visit on Thursday morning and I'm assuming we'll talk about resuming normal activities then. I definitely don't want to push it. I wore some yoga pants today that fold over at the top and my incision is killing me tonight. I know I'm not ready for full on crunches!

There is too much pressure to start anything on January 1st, but I hope to start doing little things not long after.

Wish me luck :)


Saturday, November 12, 2011

Homeward Bound!

On Wednesday, November 2, Hollin and I left the hospital in hopes of achieving a bit more rest in our own surroundings. After getting a shower and yes, putting on makeup and trying to do something with my hair, I felt energized enough to go home!

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And then the drugs hit me and daddy snuck a photo while we waited to be discharged.
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When I woke up, I decided to kill a little time by taking some photos of baby girl in her pretty dress.
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Leaving!
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Daddy driving us home.. dumb picture I know, but I take a pic of everything.
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Finally home..
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Introducting Maya to Hollin.
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I stayed parked in the bed for the rest of the night and we ordered pizza so that no one had to cook. Everyone was super tired, understandably. My mom and dad did run an errand for us that night, but that was pretty much it. Being home the first night with my new family of four was so wonderful. I really have never been so happy to be sleep deprived and every day I look forward to dressing up my little baby doll :)

We are still getting the hang of our "schedule" right now, even though it's not really a true schedule. That time will come when Jimmy goes back to work at the end of this month. Until then, I'm going to keep enjoying every second of our time together!

I still need to talk about my c-section recovery, Harper's adjustments and other things. My plan is to get back in the swing of blogging in "real-time" very soon!
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Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Hospital Days.

Forgive me while I keep things in chronological order when it comes to Hollin's birth. It's just the way I roll:)

The first night in the hospital, Jimmy stayed with Hollin and I. He was (again) the best husband in the world and stayed up all night long with her while I slept. I don't think we took any pictures because so many had been taken that day already.

On Tuesday, November 1st, my mom and dad came to stay with me while Jimmy went home to get some sleep. I enjoyed having them there, but felt bad for them because they both tried to sleep on the hard-as-a-brick futon.

Breastfeeding for Hollin and I got off to a really rought start. She nor I could really get the hang of latching on. I finally had to seek the help of a lactation consultant. She worked with us for a little while and told me that I needed to be "more aggressive" with Hollin. I know they are used to forcing babies heads in the right direction all the time, but I just couldn't handle my little girl that rough. I'm happy to report that we've finally got it down :)

That night turned out to be our roughest night. Hollin cried a lot and each time I'd try to feed her, we would both end up frustrated. My mom tried to tend to her so that I could sleep, but I couldn't sleep through the crying. I was also still in a lot of pain and was dealing with night sweats. (Those are still in full force by the way.)



After several hours of this, I finally called the nurse in to take her to the nursery. I asked her to give her a little bit of formula so that I had peace of mind that she had a full stomach. The nurse said she would give her some through a syringe so that there was no nipple confusion. I appreciated that :)

Here are some pics from the day/night that mom and dad stayed.
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Mom and dad took Harper out for dinner and brought him back to say goodnight. We were able to get some good family pics then!
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I can't say enough wonderful things about the staff at our Women's and Children's Center. I felt so comfortable there and the nurses were absolutely fantastic. They never made me feel bad for asking for more meds :)

Having my mom and dad here for 8 days to help out was wonderful too. I really hated to see them leave. That's okay though because they are coming back this weekend!

Up next..discharge day!


Friday, November 4, 2011

Hollin's Birth Story

*I'd like to preface this blog post with the disclaimer that it will be highly detailed. I don't want to forget a thing!*


I wasn't able to sleep very much the night before my scheduled c-section. My brain was trying to filter through every emotion you could possibly think of.

After a few hours of fragmented sleep, I woke up around 7am. I had hoped to wake up earlier than that, but my 2 1/2 year old alarm clock didn't go off :) He must have been tired because I had to go wake him up myself!

I scurried around, trying to get ready while Jimmy, Harper and my mom and dad did the same. I remember being in a bit of a bad mood because I was under strict orders not to eat or drink anything after midnight the night before and on into the morning of the surgery. I was SO thirsty I couldn't think straight. My mom and dad suggested that I eat a few ice chips, so I finally did. My dad was nice enough to break up the cubes for me because we do not have that option on our fridge.

I showered with my Hibiclens solution and begrudgingly didn't put on any makeup, lotion or perfume. That was very hard for this girly girl :)

I snapped a few very important pictures before we rushed out the door at about 9:00am.
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39 weeks and 2 days!

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The only way we could get him to smile for a picture was to say, "Sweet tea!!"

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My hubby and I before we became parents of two!

Harper sporting his new shirt.
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We hopped in the car while my mom and dad stayed behind to take care of Harper. They all stood in the garage as we backed out and my mom got Harper to wave bye bye. He looked a little confused and in all my hormonal mommy-ness, I almost wanted to cry! I knew that he was in good hands though and that I'd be seeing him soon, so that made me feel better.

We got to the hospital just before our 9:30am check in time.


I walked in first while Jimmy went and parked the car. The sweet ladies at the front desk gave me a knowing look and I told them I was waiting for my husband to come in. One of them asked me if I knew where to go and I told her I was having a C-section. After a few "Awws" and a "Congratulations!", she told me to go to the second floor and take the first right where I would see a desk for check-in.

About that time, Jimmy walked in and we got on the elevator. It was one of those talking elevators that let you know exactly what it was doing and where it was taking you. Jimmy's face made me laugh in the midst of all my nervousness, so that was a nice moment.

We walked to the check-in desk where I signed a few papers and then we were lead to the pre-op room. I was given my beautiful hospital garb and I never felt more beautiful..
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I was also given beautiful no-slip socks and modeled those for Jimmy.
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This room was where I was given my IV and had bloodwork done. I really hate needles, so I was a little nervous about all of that but the nerves I felt over the C-section far outweighed any nerves over a needle stick :)
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The sweet nurse asked me a thousand questions and hooked me up to the baby monitor. The whole time I was being monitored, I was having timeable Braxton Hicks contractions. She asked me at one point if I could feel them and I definitely could. It makes me wonder when I really would have gone into labor.

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(These are not the names of the people who helped me. The nurse came in and updated everything after we had taken the pic.)

I tried my best to relax while I waited for everything to really get going. Toward the end of my time in Triage, my step-mother-in-law and mother-in-law came in to say hello. I'm not even sure what we talked about but I tried to keep it light-hearted. The anesthesiologist came in while they were there and I couldn't begin to tell you what he said. I'm pretty sure it was something to do with the order of events for the morning.

I had to go to the bathroom one last time, so the nurse helped me put on a backward hospital gown (modesty first people) and I wheeled my enormous IV stand in there with me. I had to change out of my beautiful yellow socks when I came out because apparently yellow socks are for people who are at a high-risk of falling haha.

We think that the staff needed our Triage room and we were moved into a lounge-type room. I was given an AW-ful cup of grape flavored antacid to drink. The nurse told me to just take it like a shot, but there was just no way. I had to take three gulps of it and nearly threw up. It tasted sweet, bitter, sour and tangy all at once. Awful stuff.

Here are are a few pics of us waiting in the lounge-room.
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My "potato-sack" socks as I called them. I'm not sure what brown represents.
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Can ya'll tell how nervous I was?
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Jimmy in his smurf suit!
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The nurse anesthetist came in the lounge room and went over a few things. He told us the the first C-section he had done that day was also for a dad named James. Ironically, his name was James too! He was really sweet and I told him that I was very concerned about the nausea aspect of the section. He assured me that they would give me something for it as soon as they could. He said it would be a minute and just as he was finishing his sentence, an nurse from the OR walked in and said, "Let's go!"

We walked down the longest hall I've ever walked in my life (not really) and were immediately flooded with questions about if we were having a boy or girl, what her name was, how much they liked her name and so on. They must have read all over my face that I was sick with nerves and were trying to distract me.

They briefly showed the chair where Jimmy would sit while they prepped me for surgery. While he was out there, he took the only picture he could :)
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I walked into the FREEZING operating room and started with the shakes. I knew they would happen, but I couldn't control them. The nurses, anisthesiologist, nurse anesthetist all started giving me bits of information. I remember standing beside the table trying to keep my gown closed and the nurse told me to let it all hang out. I knew she had seen a thousand behinds, but I didn't want to let go of that gown! They told me that once my spinal was in, that everyone descend on me very quickly.

I sat on the table and hunched my back over while I anticipated the needle. They had to tell me to hunch over more and commented on how little my back was. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad! The first needle that went in was a numbing medication. The second needle that went in was the spinal and just as I had been told, I was immediately laid on the table and felt numb from my armpits down instantly. My right arm was strapped down and I could move my left one, but just barely.
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I started feeling sick and shaking uncontrollably. I told the nurse anesthetist right away and he gave me something to calm down the nausea. I started feeling better and the famous sheet went up not long after. Jimmy said that he waited in the chair outside of the OR and when he walked in the room, I was still shaking like crazy. He asked me if I was okay and I told him that I was, but there was very little talking. The Dr. came in about the same time and said hello to me in his strange way. He has quite the unusal sense of humor, but many people had told me that he is the best when it comes to C-sections, so I knew I was in good hands.

He started clamping my stomach and asking me if I could feel it. I would say yes or no, but for each yes answer he would ask, "Does it hurt?" The answer was always no of course :) It was a very strange sensation. Almost like when your arm falls asleep and the feeling that you have before the tingling starts.

At some point, I told the nurse anesthetist that I felt like I couldn't breathe. He assured me that it was normal and would go away soon. There was a switch-off of nurse anesthetists as well. The male nurse left and a female came in. She told me that my Dr. delivered both of her children and that his personality rubbed her the wrong way at first, but she assured me I was in the best hands.

I was told that I may start to smell a little bit of burning and I'm not even sure what they said they would be burning! Not long after, I did smell some burning and I could hear a lot of instruction going on from my Dr. to the OB-GYN resident. At one point I heard him say, "Don't be shy with it, just cut it!"

I was so caught up in the feeling of not being able to breathe that I don't really recall feeling any tugging or pulling.

The nurse said to Jimmy, "Dad, get the camera ready" and at 11:52am, we welcomed Hollin Kea Cushing into the world. She weighed 7lbs, 6oz, was 20 inches long and as soon as I heard her cry, the tears just flowed. I was so happy to finally have her here!

First official photo!
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I do not remember taking this picture!
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Immediately after she was born, I felt a strong burning in my chest and told the nurse anesthetist. She explained to me that the pain from the surgery was being deferred to parts of my body that were not numb. She told me that she would give me something for it as soon as I saw Hollin because it would make me "forgetful" and she wanted me to remember that moment.

As soon as I saw her, they gave me my forgetful meds and I can't tell you much of anything after that. By this time, we were wheeled to a recovery room where Jimmy took this picture, but I don't remember it at all!
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We stayed in recovery for about half an hour and then we were wheeled to the third floor to our private room. Jimmy told me that they took me up on the same bed that I had my surgery on and onto a private elevator. I don't recall any of it :)

Jimmy asked my family to wait about 20 minutes before coming up and I faintly remember people coming into the room.
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My sister-in-law
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Jimmy's dad.
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Jimmy's step-dad.
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Don't worry, my mom and dad got some pics with her later!

Not long after everyone left, the nurse took her back to the nursery for a bath. When they brought her back, she had a bow in her hair!
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My parents took Harper back to our house to try to catch a nap before going to our church's Fall Festival for Halloween. Apparently he wasn't too keen on the idea of a nap and missed the festival. Mom and dad ended up taking him to a few houses in the neighborhood to get some candy before bringing him back to the hospital. I was so glad to see him in his cute little costume.
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Jimmy stayed with Hollin and I our first night in the hospital and we held her and looked at her in awe for hours. My heart is completely overwhelmed with love for my two babies. I am so blessed to have a happy and healthy family. I have thanked God daily for his gifts and look forward to watching Harper and Hollin grow in the years to come.

God is so good.

I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. 1 Samuel 1:27


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