What I learned from going back to work

I promised you all that I wouldn’t blog about this anymore, but for me, this has been a lesson learned, so I wanted to share :) For those of you that may be new here, I went back to work in August 2012 and was laid off recently.  More on that story here.

There have been a few days, here and there, since the lay-off where I felt a little resentful. Most of my resentment came from the realization that 10 months will have been lost with my babies by my last day in June and there have been moments where I feel like it was an huge waste of my time.  I realize that 10 months is not a very long time, but babies grow so fast. We moms understand that.

Just as soon as I started feeling resentful, God elbowed me and said, “Get over yourself. I brought you here for a reason.”

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I made the best decision for my family (at the time) that I could.  This job taught me so much, but taught me even more about myself.

Going back to work taught me that I’m smarter than I give myself credit for. Being a stay-at-home-mommy made me doubt myself in so many ways. I spent my days making meals, cleaning up meals, picking up toys and watching SpongeBob. My brain became mush.  It was easy think I could never transition back to the working world.  But I did. It didn’t happen overnight. But it happened.

Going back to work taught me the value of being prepared.  I was used to thinking three-steps-ahead because of my little ones, but working took it to another level. Thinking a day ahead for dinner was typically the last thing on my mind after a long day at work, then feeding, bathing and putting little ones to bed. Pulling something out of the freezer to thaw for the next night’s dinner was just that one extra step I didn’t think about oftentimes. When I did think about it, it made for a much better night.  Being prepared takes less effort than scrambling for something when I’m not prepared.

Going back to work taught me that making myself look presentable can make all the difference in the world.  As a SAHM, I was absolutely guilty of wearing my pajamas, no makeup and hair up in a ponytail on those days when I didn’t think we’d be going anywhere. It turned out to be almost an every day thing because taking the two kids out by myself was so hard, I just didn’t do it. 

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It's hard to feel pretty or like you have your stuff together when you are in pajamas all day. I know there will be days when we do stay in our PJs all day and I won’t make any effort, and that’s okay. What’s not okay (for me) is making it a habit.

 Going back to work taught me the value of adult conversation. I mean with people other than your spouse and family. When I talked to my hubby, it was hard not to talk about the kids, finances and the places I wish we could go, but just don’t have the time. Family members tend to be sounding boards too. Going to work every day was eye-opening for me, because I could finally talk about other topics. I could have water-cooler discussions with my co-workers who only saw the professional me. Then it was time for work. It was a nice distraction from all things “home” and I don’t feel guilty saying that. It is so, SO important to have friends and to cultivate those relationships. Everyone is busy and it takes effort, but it’s always worth it.

Going back to work gave me confidence.  Once I realized that I could do this job and do it well, I had more confidence than I’d had in a long time.  A “great job” or “thanks so much” were confidence boosters after several years of being at home.  Which we all know can be a thankless job sometimes.  It never hurt to get compliments on my clothes or hair either.  Sometimes those compliments were just what I needed to hear after taking the time to look nice.

Going back to work taught me that having the extra income made me no happier than I was with one.  Was it nice having two incomes again? Absolutely. In fact, I knew that with the additional income, we would be able to go here and there, take vacations and do things that we had cut out when I began staying home.  The truth? We haven’t been anywhere.  Between scheduling conflicts, constant work being done on our home and not wanting to travel with a certain 16-month-old that hates being in the car, our life is hardly any different than it was when I stayed home. Vacations would be nice, but they wouldn’t be very relaxing at this point.  With the additional income, we certainly eat out and shop a little more than we did, but those things don’t make me any happier. I would rather be home, eating with my family, or shopping at Target for what the babies need instead of what I want for myself.

Going back to work made me evaluate how much I am needed at home. There were so many instances when I knew I was needed at home more than at my job. Keep in mind that with my husband being a Police Officer and having a nutso schedule, this played a huge part in how I felt about my presence at home.  There were many times when my mom had things she needed to do, or emergencies back home that she needed to leave for and there went my childcare. There were no reliable back-up babysitters for us on such short notice. So, it always came back to me because Jimmy can’t just “take the day” like many other dads can. On the other hand, there were plenty of days that were uneventful and everyone did just fine. But, on the days that things did happen and mom couldn’t babysit for me, it always fell back on mommy to be there. This made me really evaluate the need for me to be home vs. work.

Going back to work made me realize that I can’t have it all. I wish I could plainly say that being home vs. going back to work is better or vice versa, but that isn’t the truth. Each of them has their pros and cons and it’s about what works best for our family.  We make sacrifices for me to stay home just like we make sacrifices for me to go back to work.

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I am so thankful for the short time I had at my job and I am sad that it is ending, but I am happy to go back home to my babies. I’ve learned a lot from it, both personally and professionally. Who knew that a 10-month stint back in the corporate world would be so eye-opening? :)

Love,