Heartbroken

Hello loves. I come to my little blog today with such a heavy heart. It's taken me several days to get to the place where I could sit at my computer and search for the words in my heart without sobbing.

This past Thursday, our beloved dog Maya passed away. She wasn't part of an accident or sick. She was put down.  This was a decision that Jimmy and I knew we had to make, but going through with it was one of the most difficult things we have ever done.

Why did we have to do this? Let me explain.

Aggression was always a problem for Maya. Even when she was a puppy, she would growl and bark at people who approached her and only took a liking to the family members that came to visit us regularly when she was a puppy. As she got older, she only liked them and anyone else who was part of our family was considered a stranger in her world.

What began as a little aggression toward strangers turned into food aggression and attacks on our smaller dogs at the time. We had no choice but to find them new homes and have Maya as our only dog. That was SO very hard for me.

Time went on and she attacked my mom's dog twice to the point of her needing surgery and stitches. 

Before we knew it, she was older, much bigger and snapped at Harper a few times. In recent months, she snapped at Hollin three times. I had seen her pin Hollin to the floor during one of her "snaps." The last time being directly beside Jimmy and for no reason. Jimmy intervened before it could go any further. We think Maya saw Hollin as being too close to a plate of food that was sitting on the table and Maya went directly for Hollin's face.

Our children are our #1 priority and after the first time she snapped at Harper, we knew we had some problems to deal with. We tried to separate her from the family during times when I had to be out of the room, but Hollin would just unlock doors and let her back inside. We built a pen for her in our backyard for times when we really needed her away from others, but our neighbor called the police and complained about her barking. (Yes, the police still have to come to our home even though Jimmy is a cop.) We kept her in our bedroom when people would come over and that was just a temporary fix. She couldn't be around anyone. We couldn't take her anywhere.

We contacted several rescues, but no one would take her with that type of behavior. Jimmy talked with a few K9 handlers and they all said the same thing. "You can try more rigid training, but you can't guarantee it won't happen again." We talked to the veterinarian. The only advice/solution they could offer was medication for anxiety, but all of us agreed that it did not sound like an anxiety issue.

We had no other choice.

My heart has broken into a million pieces in the last few days without her here. I haven't been able to eat very well. I will always remember how sweet she could be and how much she loved to play fetch. No one could ever throw that ball enough. I will always remember how smart she was and how she was slam her body to the ground every time we said "down." She knew that a good shake would earn her some people food, so she would constantly put her paw in my lap or on my arm while I would eat. I will remember her beautiful eyes and the black star on her head. And how she would growl at my feet every night while laying on the covers. To be as smart as she was, she couldn't figure out what that lump was coming toward her. I will miss hearing her heavy body hit the hardwood floor every night and that long sigh after a long day.

The kids are surprisingly ok. Hollin of course is not very aware of what happened and Harper said he is glad she is gone. In his words, "Now there is no more trouble and we will see her again one day."

Maya, thank you for protecting us and making us feel safe.  Thank you for being our night watcher and laying in the middle of the house until you knew daddy was home and everything was ok. I will love, miss you and think about you every day.

And as your Harper said, we will see you again one day.