Woman vs. Wild

Last night I was working on homework when I heard a rustle at the back door. I thought it may be my male dog going outside to potty, so I glanced back. I couldn't see if he had slipped outside because it was so dark, so I begrudgingly got up and turned the light on. He was not out there. I close the back door, lock it and turn the light off. Something either went in or out of my house because I heard it. I happen to look down at the floor and this is what I see.....

(image from google images)

I commence to FLIPPING out, but I couldn't externalize my terror too much because Harper was asleep. My first thought was that I had to kill him, RIGHT this second.. but I didn't want to touch him. I go and grab this:


(google images)

I spray the buh-jesus out of this roach and how does he react? HE HISSES AT ME PEOPLE.

(google images)

I am shaking at this point, because my greatest fear is that he could possibly fly up in my face and that would be the end of me. I don't know if cockroaches can fly, but this one was out for blood and it wanted ME.

I spray it again, more hissing. The spray was obviously not working, so I grab the nearest thing I could get to that would cause death.. and that was my paddled hairbrush. I hurled the brush onto the roach. This resulted in injury. VICTORY! Now I could finish him off... and I did. Again and Again. Once I knew he was dead, I used an old thick cardboard cd sleeve to scoop him up and fling him outside. I wanted Jimmy to see this monster that I had to battle alone.

I woke up this morning and immediately checked the back porch. He was gone. I'm assuming he made a lovely dinner for a family of birds somewhere, so his slaying was not in vain.

From now on, you will not find me alone with my back door cracked open. A monster might try to get me.