5 Ways that I affirm my husband

So it's taken me well over a month to work up the nerve to push publish on this post. It's personal. So personal. What I've written here is not rocket science or ground-breaking in any way, but it's a window into my marriage and goes way deeper than a post on what I'm doing with the babies or my random thoughts.

My husband and I are gearing up to start as pre-marital counselors at our church and we are very, very excited!! Ironically, the idea for this post came to me long before we signed on and I have been working on it for awhile. 

I have been a married lady for 7 years and while I'm not going to win any awards for being the world's best wife, I do know that I have learned a thing or two about my husband.  We are not perfect and there is always room for improvement. We have ups and downs just like everyone else.  However, there are ways that I can relate to him that helps our relationship flow in the best way possible. Enjoy :)

{Last minute Halloween costumes}

***I want to mention that Jimmy is fully aware and fine with my post. I would never say anything on this blog about him without his consent!!***

1. Put God first. I know this sounds so cliche because we have all heard it so many times. But think about it.  Following God's guidelines for yourself and for the position that He gives us within a marriage is there for a reason. He designed it this way for our benefit!! 
This is one of my favorite verses because it is so clear in wording.

Ephesians 5:22-33 ²² Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.²⁴ Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

I know that my marriage works best when he is the head of our family. He makes all of the final decisions and that is the way God intended it to be. Our family dynamic does not work when I try to wear the pants, believe me, I've tried it ;)

2. Respect him. I think if you were to ask any guy what he wants most from his wife, he would most likely say respect. (Ok, the answers my vary here :) Men value respect in the same way women value adoration from their husbands. Our men work hard to provide for our families and one of our many jobs as wives is to appreciate them. They deserve respect for getting up every day and going through the grind for us.  If you feel that your husband is acting in a way that doesn't deserve respect, that is where communication comes in.

3. Intimacy. This one is a no-brainer. And it's also third on my list because to a husband, it's a TOP priority. After having babies, we ladies can get into our own heads with insecurities about we look now vs. how we used to look. I'm so guilty of this too. I'm willing to bet that your man still thinks you are just a beautiful as ever. I was talking to a friend not long ago that shared something with me that will forever change the way I consider this.  I believe it was a quote from Michelle Duggar.  "Be available. Anyone can fix him lunch, but only one person can meet that physical need of love that he has, and you always need to be available when he calls."    How true is that???!!

4. Communicate!  This is so, SO important. I think my husband would say that I communicate enough for three people. I say exactly what I think without a second thought.  He has a harder time communicating because he tends to be emotionally closed off sometimes (he admits this). I have a few theories about this but some if it comes from being a former Police Officer. When we have things that need to be discussed, I have to work really hard to get him to talk and get things off his chest. If we didn't talk through it, tension and resentment would build up and it would only get worse. I am not the type to just "let things go." I certainly pick my battles, but if there is something that is really bothering me, I let him know..quickly.  We talk through it and move on.

5. Replace Negative with Positive 
THIS one is hard.  I would say I struggle with this one the most.  I have been told several times in my marriage that I can be....well.....negative. I like to call it being realistic, but that's another story for another time. I married a very big optimist.  My husband has always had a very optimistic outlook on life and situations, where as I hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I do this so that I won't get disappointed. It's a defense mechanism for sure.  But think about it. How would you like to be married to someone who doesn't ever see the good in anything? I can't imagine how that would make me feel. Like I couldn't ever say or do anything right in the eyes of my spouse.  When we women nag and complain and see EVERYTHING negatively.. we can't be very fun to be married to, right?  We all get bogged down with responsibilities, exhaustion from work and/or children, mortgages and family obligations.  You and your husband are in this together.  You made the choice to make him your life partner. Always remember that you are a team and act in a way that makes you a good team member.   It is YOUR life and YOUR marriage.  You are the only one that can live it the best way possible!

I must reiterate that I am NOT an expert. I hesitated oh-so-much to post this but I wanted to share my thoughts. Happy Thursday and happy married life!!!